Dear reader, I pray that you will never face a day on which the task of toilet installation befalls you, but if it should might I suggest a Kohler? When my wife and I bought our house we knew we would have problems with the age of the plumbing, electricity, and just about everything else. Our house was built around 1880. If you have any notions of classic lines, and beautiful antiquity you can dismiss them. The house is old, but not antique by any stretch of the imagination.

The downstairs toilet has required constant plunging from day one–by constant I mean daily–by daily I mean four times a day. Several months ago the toilet quit working altogether. Being the handyman that I am not, I decided to replace the guts. The job went as most of my jobs go–bad. For months now we have had a toilet that needs plunging and that must be manually stopped to prevent it from running on indefinitely. This week I decided to take care of the problem once and for all.

I bought a premium toilet kit to replace the cheap guts I put in it the first time. This kit required removal of the tank. I decided the best thing to do was to go ahead and break the toilet beyond repair during installation of this kit so that I could return the kit and buy a brand new toilet instead. In this way I was able to kill three birds with one stone. First, I received the inestimable pleasure of installing a new toilet. Second, I was on the receiving end of ridicule from my wife for the price of the toilet, and finally I was able to spend more of the money my wife and I have been hoping to use for our ten-years in the waiting honeymoon. All in all, it was just a great break for me.

So where is the porcelain lining in this great toilet saga? The wonderful truth of the matter is that I wouldn’t avoid the ordeal even it was in my power to travel back in time and do so. Why would I be so self-destructive and heartless toward my beloved wife you might ask? Simply put. Because the Kohler K-3496 toilet is a wonder to behold and a pleasure to use!

I paid $270 for the Kohler K-3496 at Lowe’s and it was worth every penny! Never have I beheld such a work of plumbing and waste management beauty. Yes, the toilet is finely designed and ascetically pleasing. Yes, Kohler has designed a comfortable toilet that is ergonomically satisfying. But what makes the Kohler K-3496 stand out is the flush. Oh, the glorious flush! Gone are the days of plunging. Gone are the days of waste-ridden water flooding the floor. Each satisfying flush washes away the most dire of circumstances in a quick powerful flood of clean clear water leaving a gleaming white receptacle ready for the next dangerous adventure.

The salesmen told me that the only problem customers had with this toilet was that were compelled to return and buy more units to replace the lesser quality seats in their homes with the true throne–the K-3496. All I can say is if my wife and I don’t start talking again soon, I’m going back to Lowe’s and to hell with the honeymoon.